Found this somewhere else and thought I'd give it a go. Here are '10 Signs that a Book Has Been Written by Me'.
1. It will be a dystopian novel - cleverly written (I wish) and well thought out and researched.
2. It will be 450+ pages in length.
3. One of the main characters will be a young man - perhaps mid 20s. He will be the 'hero' of the story, but he'll also be a regular guy.
4. It will have a memorable closing line.
5. My main characters will have enough of a backstory that readers will be able to identify with them, but not get bogged down or bored by too much detail.
6. There will be a club of some description (possibly secret) where important (and perhaps sinister) business will take place.
7. People of extraordinary intelligence will play an important role.
8. Music will be involved somehow.
9. My readers will be reduced to tears.
10. My book will be compared (favourably) to George Orwell's 1984. :)
That's about all I can say without giving away too much! I have more details written out in a notebook, which would make it all sound more interesting, but this'll have to do.